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The “Who Does More” Argument Never Ends Well. Try This Instead.
I’m going to be clear that I am not a relationship expert; I’ve merely made this exact mistake too many times. Learning by Doing, that’s the life for me apparently.
So listen: I get it. I know the scenario: You’re sitting at the end of a long day. Or maybe you’re standing, just staring at a wall and wishing you were allowed to fall asleep where you stand. Your kids have been super needy all day, and you’ve been steadily breaking up fights. You haven’t had much time to think, and your brain is fuzzy as all hell. Maybe you’re just tired because you didn’t sleep well. Maybe you’re sick. You can’t remember the last time you’ve had more than a few minutes to yourself, and it’s beginning to wear on you.
Then your partner looks around at the house and says it: “You know, this place is pretty dirty. When was the last time it’s been dusted/dishes have been done/laundry has been folded?”
Rage. Seething, lava-hot, gotdamned anger. Your eyes bulge and you slowly turn to look at your partner the way a very hungry wolf looks at a particularly fat squirrel. You may even ask them to repeat themselves, and like a total dingbat, they do. Because they haven’t figured out that the hole they’re in the middle of digging is actually going to be their personal gravesite.
